September 12, 2007

3rd Grade

Sometimes, I feel very much like I am back in the third grade. Sometimes, I feel very isolated and alone. I feel like the whole world is throwing spitballs and doing things they shouldn't and WHINING while I do all the work.

And it blows.

Now I'm the one whining.

Posted by LoWriter at 12:14 AM | Comments (0)

September 06, 2007

10 Years Have Passed...

If I could share only one detail about Amy with you, I would let you hear her laugh. That's what Amy was: A good, hearty, bubbling laugh in the middle of the best summer afternoon of your childhood.

I miss her the same way we all miss those endless childhood summer afternoons now after we are grown.

The one time I had a good dream about her (where she wasn't a sad, blue shade or a substantive ghost only visible to me), she was laughing and calling to her dog, and I woke up in tears because I was so sad but so happy that after several years, I could finally remember the sound of her voice.

I can't explain it. We were so young, and the older I get, the more I see that we were so immature. My friendships now have so much more substance, but back then... back then, my friendship with Amy and Kimmy was the strongest. It was the only friendship that mattered to me. It was everything, and when she died, my whole world fell apart.

And I agree with C.S. Lewis... so much about grief is selfish. So much of it is focused on the self rather than on the deceased. Even so, I don't think that's wrong. After 10 years, I can say that grief is different every time we experience it. I do accept that grief is a healing process--it's how we recover from our wounds--so yes, much of it is personal and focused on the self.

Thus, as I get older, I try to make this day about remembering her, but also about getting "better." I've come to terms with the fact that I'll never be who I was going to be before she committed suicide; that's not possible. But I can be better than I was last year.

And I can remember her and smile and cry because she truly had the most beautiful laugh in the world. I'm glad to have known her and sad to have lost her.

Posted by LoWriter at 11:47 PM | Comments (1)

September 04, 2007

August Books

I read two reads this month. I feel like I've read more, but I'm not sure why I feel that way... possibly because I am still only halfway through ESL Writers, which is painful and mostly stupid. Anyway, here are my two reads:

The End by Lemony Snicket: 0 Stars. I thought this final book ruined the whole series. It felt like one big cop out to all the mysteries that had been raised throughout the whole series. It was dreadful, though not for the reasons intimated by the author, but because it basically went, "Oh, well, you can never know everything" and ended. It was as though the author got sick of writing and just stopped. I do not recommend the series based solely on this book. Up until this book, I enjoyed the series a great deal.

The Beatrice Letters by Lemony Snicket: .5 Stars. It could be because I read this book after the last book of the series when it technically came out prior to the series, but I hated this book too. It's written in the form of letters from two Beatrices. In addition, it has several punch-out letters which are supposed to be arranged to reveal an anogram. Whatever. In addition, there are a ton of words and dates that are repeated and letters of the alphabet scrawled on the correspondence letters throughout the book. Looking at various reviews, it appears that it was supposed to give enthusiasts a chance to decode some of the 13th book, in which case, I suppose it does that. Otherwise, unless you like torturing yourself with word puzzles that require a large, flat surface and probably a Boudelaire orphan to solve, skip it. It's not worth it.

In fact, I would skip the whole series. It doesn't even deliver what it promises, which is a wretched ending. It merely delivers a stupid ending. I add boo to its overall score. BOOOOO has been added.

On the whole, I didn't read any good books this month, but I am savoring my current read, which is sure to get at least a few stars next month. See you soon with more books! Feel free to share your own reads in the comments.

Posted by LoWriter at 10:51 PM | Comments (2)