April 15, 2009

Hanging In

This is the time of year when bad shit goes down. What do I mean? This is the time of year where people snap, go crazy, drop out of school, or worse. This is the time of year when everybody is so stressed out, and the end of the semester is so far away, and it feels like summer will never come.

Now, for me, I love spring. It's my favorite season.

But it's a bad time, school-wise. And even though I keep telling my students to hang in there, that it isn't that bad, that in five years, they won't remember any of this and what they do remember won't seem so bad, I know it's a tough time of year. And I mean every word I say--they won't remember all the details of why this time of year was so hard. They won't remember the class they had to drop or why it mattered so much at the time. They won't remember the paper they struggled and cried over. They might remember that it was hard, but they won't remember why.

They are strung tight as wires, though, and one of them is always bound to snap. Maybe not at my school, but somewhere, someone is always about to snap at this time of year.

And this year, I feel it especially keenly. I myself am stressed to the max. We are job hunting and wedding planning and moving, and it is all very stressful to me. I am working eleventy billion hours a week, and I can't keep up, and I feel guilty about not keeping up because I know that we will probably need the money very soon. My jaw is messed up, and I don't want to go to the doctor to get it fixed. On the other hand, I can't chew my food or sleep on my left side (which is my preferred side), so that's frustrating. There are a thousand and one things I should be doing right now instead of writing this blog article while sipping a rum and coke.

And instead, at this time of year, I want to sit on the balcony and sip rum and cokes.

And I tend to say whatever pops into my head lately. This year, I told one of my students who's been around for awhile (when he said that he was going to have to drop a class) that it would not be the end of the world to drop a class. I told him that in five years, he wouldn't even care, it wouldn't even matter. And you know what? It cheered him up. He looked at me and smiled and went, "That's true."

And it is true. In five years, all any of us will remember is whether or not this season was particularly good or bad and that's about it. In five years, the things that seem so huge to us right now will be gone and over and done.

I wanted this year to be so different. I didn't want to worry so much. I wanted to give myself plenty of time to plan a wedding so that it would go smoothly. I didn't want to work so much this spring. Instead, we've been sick and so forth. And every time I think we've turned the corner, some new issue pops up. And sometimes, I have to ask why I don't get what I want out of life. Why is it always something huge and major? Why can't I be the one to walk around on cloud nine, stupid and oblivious to all the perils around me? If I find out, I'll let you know. I imagine everybody thinks that about their lives sometimes. I feel like a whiner, but that's the way it is for me right now.

Everytime I see my student, I ask him if he's hanging in. And so far, so good. We're all hanging in. Eventually, May will come around. June will be beautiful and the summer will be warm and lovely.

So hang in, folks.

Posted by LoWriter at April 15, 2009 10:18 PM

I don't even remember if 5 years ago was good or bad. It wasn't bad enough to make me cringe in remembrance and it wasn't good enough to look back on it fondly. I feel a bit weird that I don't remember anything at all.

Posted by: jeff at April 16, 2009 07:23 AM

It's true, the emotional resonance fades in time, but I still can grasp days that had exceptionally strong feelings. The days I graduated (both hs and college), the day I got married... finals in college, I agree, not so much.

Posted by: 10lees at April 21, 2009 04:18 PM

Hey - received your wedding invite last week. Now that I know where you are registered - will try and find alittle something for you and fiance. ;)
Thanks so much for thinking of us. God bless you ... ;)

Posted by: Bevy at May 13, 2009 02:22 PM
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