Thoughts of LoWriter

Whose Pants Are These Anyway?

I wear the pants.

"Which pants?" you might ask. Why, the proverbial pants, of course. The relationship pants. I wear them. This may have something to do with the fact that I was raised on a farm and had to do a lot of the "boy" chores or it may have something to do with my inborn hatred of skirts or it may even have something to do with the fact that I despise any kind of "authority" from anyone ever.

Whatever the reason, my friends and I have discovered that when it comes to relationships, we bear a striking resemblance to (and I quote) "men from the 50s." Our feelings are often ambivalent. I don't want to talk to you every day. Stop calling me. We talk when I say we talk; I'll call you. I don't want to meet your family. We're just having fun. Let's not give what we have a name; let's just have a good time. As one of my good friends says, "I'm done with feelings."

And we date guys who like things like candles and feelings and fashion and committed relationships and their moms. This is what the modern man has become, and many women are excited to meet a guy who is, for all intents and purposes, a sissy, but I am not one of those women.

I take long hiatuses from being in relationships and just date. Sometimes I even take long hiatuses from that. I don't want to hear from a guy every day when we're just getting to know each other. I have nothing to say to someone for hours on end every day. Nothing I have ever done is worth talking about for that long; neither is anything you've ever done. No, it isn't. Don't lie.

Once I know a person better, that might be a different story, and I myself have been known to be clingy (thank God that was, mostly, a different time and place), but I am getting so tired of every guy I date wanting to wrap himself around me like a leech and suck all the energy out of me.

In a world where everyone is in a race to see who can settle down the fastest and raise the best/most children, I find myself struggling to decide whether or not that is the life I want.

What I don't understand is why we, men and women, are in such a hurry to get ahead of ourselves. No one should be talking about children's names on the first date. Marriage should not be addressed on the second. I don't want to have a conversation on our first date about being your girlfriend before the garlic bread has even arrived. Back the milk truck up, sugar, we haven't even held hands yet!

I think people have a tendancy to want instant delivery because that is the society we live in. We are so used to having exactly what we want when we want it that we've lost the art of letting something simmer into perfection. You can't bring a good stew to a rapid boil and expect it to taste the same as if you'd slow cooked it all day. It's the same with relationships, in my opinion. People need to stop trying to force them to be ready before they are. The best dishes take lots of time (as evidenced by the fact that nothing tastes as good out of the microwave as it does out of the stove), and while obviously everything has an expiration date, there's no point in pulling something out of the fire and poking it before it's done.

Step away from the oven, boys and girls, and let it be what it is when it's ready. Put on a pair of pants and relax.