I am frustrated.
I am trying to find information on aesthetics. This is because I, in my infinite genius, decided that this would be a great topic. Why did I think this? "Well," said I, "what a great way to get credit for, basically, improving my blog."
This was a stupid mo-fo idea. Here's why: While I can say what makes my blog ugly (and thus, vaguely pleasing to me), I am hard pressed to say what makes other blogs look good. In addition, I don't know if you've any idea, but aesthetics are incredibly broad, vague, and subjective (yes, I am aware that that is only one theory, but it's the one I'm going with).
In addition, as it turns out, I do want to be a teacher, but I also want to be a writer. (Probably I want to be that extremely impoverished breed of person known as a writing teacher when I grow up.) Not a technical writer. A writer. And I just got out of a departmental meeting where everybody laughed about how useless an MFA in writing is.
Everything I like is expensive and useless. Because an MFA is pretty much exactly what I want to get.
In addition, I am sick of school. I don't want to go do anything other than get credit for writing. I don't know why I try to kid myself into thinking that I'm a practical person. I think I've got it in my head that I want the 'rents to be proud of me. It was better when I didn't care about that because then I could do what I wanted. And I don't know why I feel like it's my fault they're not going to be ready for retirement. I don't know why I think it's my responsibility to take care of them. The middle child over-acheiver can do that. She'll have buckets of money. I'll live by them and drive them places. The youngest will probably live with them and eat their cereal.
This is what I know. I am confused. Just as confused as I was when I was 19, only now it isn't cute any more. Now I am a grown woman with no clue of what she wants to do.
I wish that I was practical. I wish that I liked building space shuttles. That would be quite lucrative. Sadly, I like using them as examples in a rant. This means that, while I like them, all I'm capable of is spelling them.
On a high point, two people who I consider very difficult to impress are finally (and it only took three and a half years) impressed with me at work. I.e., they say that their students get better when they work with me, specifically. And I like it. In addition, the piece of writing that I cranked out on Sunday afternoon this week was a hit at writing group. The other piece was still complete crap. But at least I knew that going in.
That's all I've got, kids. If anybody has good suggestions for reading material on aesthetics, let me know.
Posted by LoWriter at September 19, 2006 06:21 PMI still wish I got paid for doing nothing, hehehe
I guess my question is: what do most people who have an MFA in writing do? Are they authors or professors? Both? I guess I think anything in the academic field (ie professors) isn't super profitable as a rule, so it seems a little silly that teachers are giggling about how worthless the degree is. If there wasn't a field of education their degree wouldn't be worth much either. If your heart is really in your degree then the reward of knowing you are doing what you want is worth it. (don't listen to me, I was a history major)
I wouldn't worry about not knowing what you want to do, I think we are ever evolving people who are always re-evaluating our choices (well, if we are smart we are) and our systems. I don't think you have to 'decide' what you want to do and go do it. I've always looked at my life as 'you can always go back' - I could've moved back to California and I could've moved back to Minnesota, I could've worked for Kohl's again, I (probably) could've gotten a job at Bethel again (might not have been the same one). So whatever you decide to do just remember you can always back out. It might cost you a little something (a semester's tuition and perhaps I job you would have preferred) but that might be worth the cost to figure out if it's something you want to do. I never wanted to regret the road not taken, of course that isn't possible all the time, but occasionally the risk is worth making sure you won't.
Ah, my two cents, probably only worth a half penny though :-)
Posted by: 10lees at September 21, 2006 09:57 AMdammit, be a writer or a teacher. :o) your freelancing work is starting to really take off, right? work hard at gaining connections that way so you always have a back up (or at least bonus bucks in your pocket).
i get so jealous that i dont have an extra talent to freelance (yet). you have the ability to support yourself while doing your passion. you're doing it right, i promise. :o)
so you're writing again, and h is writing again... guess i should start writing too, huh? maybe we can pull together the old group via email...
Posted by: dr gonzo at September 21, 2006 10:09 AMI would be up for an email writing group. I am currently writing nonfiction. (I got tired of poetry and had to put it away for awhile... maybe another two years and I'll have something to say again.)
Some of the nonfiction is... probably a devotional for irreverent Christians like me. It didn't start out that way, but that is what it's becoming... lame as that may be. It's actually pretty funny. It's taken the place of my religion blog a little bit, but the religion blog is kinda feeding into it, too. I'm going to use the material from my religion blog in the project eventually, I think.
The rest of the nonfiction is a little... meloncholy. So, some of it is funny and some of it is not, but I'm writing a lot these days.
Posted by: Lo at September 21, 2006 10:42 AMAlso, yes, the freelancing is really starting to take off, thanks to you, Dr. G. :) You rock.
Posted by: Lo at September 21, 2006 11:22 AM