I am having one of those moments of insecurity that always cause me to procrastinate until the last possible minute. I am working on a grant, and I feel like I have been turned loose with no idea what I'm doing. I feel like the world is my etch-a-sketch, but I am sans opposable thumbs and any previous etch-a-sketch experience. It's quite discouraging.
I know I'm being ridiculous, but I was sick all week, so I feel behind, and I feel like what I did last weekend could be classified as "sucked-a-lot," too. Add to that the fact that I am no longer holding to my old addage (I am a grown up, so I do not work on weekends anymore), and you get one fairly crazy chica.
I used to do this in college. I would sit at my computer all weekend dinking around and do only probably 10 hours of real work, but my whole weekend was ruined because of it. But the difference is that back then, one of my closest friends was in my program and had already done the assignment four weeks ago, so I could just ask her what she thought the assignment meant.
There's nothing to make you feel like a sixth grader so much as sucking at something you enjoy.
And the truth is, all I really want to do right now is go to Albertville; look at bookcases; have a tall, cold beer and a cheeseburger; and stay up all night watching movies. Where have all my 20's gone? I don't know. And eventually, everybody is going to realize that I have been faking it for years and have no idea how to write a complete sentence. And then I will have to live in a box. Or with my parents, which would be worse.
Somebody kill me, please, and spare me the humiliation.
Posted by LoWriter at April 29, 2006 12:47 PM