I used to believe that if I had had more time with my best friend, then I would have been OK to move on. I felt that if I'd spent the time I'd had with her before she died more wisely, then I would not have felt so miserable for so long.
Now, it is my humble opinion that there is never enough time. No matter how much time you have, you will always want more. Death is always a seperation, and having more time does not lessen the pain of it. Perhaps it is less of a shock if you've had more time, but only because the more time you have, the older the involved parties are likely to be.
Take my relationship with my grandparents, for example. They are all ill, and I feel that I've spent a very large amount of time with them--more than most, in fact. I have had many opportunities to visit with them about their pasts. I know that they are all proud of me, and they know that I love them.
And yet, when faced with the idea of one of them dying, I am always and always begging for more time. Not just yet. Just a few more days/weeks/months/years.
I'm not sure why we are like that. I am assuming it has to do with the fact that we love, so when we lose, we hurt.
Posted by LoWriter at December 7, 2005 03:12 PMLo, song lyrics for you. They'll make you feel better:
I heard grandpa on my transistor radio
Though he turned in his bones 20 years ago
He said "kid there's something that I'd like to show you,
Get your things, it's time for us to go"
So I grabbed my backpack, my flashlight and a can of carmel corn
I grabbed my bicycle and the radio and I headed on the road
I said "I'm ready, for what I'm about to see. Yup!"
Headed north til rain it turned to snow
Through rusty towns and dusty gravel roads
I said "Grandpa, where is this thing
You wanted to show me?"
He said, "Kid you gotta long way to go"
So I went through canyons, caves and catacombs
I sailed on bicycle boats, I slept in chapels
And brothels, I met the nicest folks
I said, "I'm ready, for what I'm about to see. Yup!"
I heard Grandpa on my transistor radio
He said, "Kid, it's time for me to go,
And I know that there was something that
I wanted to show you, but it's time for you
To find it on your own."
Let me tell you of rage when the signal diedt hat day
There's nothing out there, and I don't care
If they take my life away, I'm not ready
And I don't want to see. Nope!
It's been years since I heard my transistor radio
But I keep going to where it seems I'm meant to go
And I finally realized what he wanted to show me
Where I am, where I been is the show.
-Cloud Cult
Advice From the Happy Hippo
Thank you All Things Good and Small. You are an annonymous help.
Posted by: Lo at December 12, 2005 03:06 PM