Thoughts of LoWriter

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

(*Warning*: Here Be Spoilers. Perhaps. On the other hand, how much can I really spoil? Is there still someone on the planet who doesn't know how this movie ends?)

Well, kids, I swore I'd never do it again. I swore I would never go to another midnight showing after the third Harry Potter movie gave us such great lines as "Yes, oh, yes, Harry. I knew your mother and caused me to sit with a roomful of people who still lived in their mothers' basements.

Moreover, I have always secretly hated Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, and all I remember about the book by the same name as this summer's film is that I couldn't get through it in the third grade because it vaguely depressed me and creeped me out (as did Chocolate Fever).

So, when I say that I not only went to Charlie and the Chocolate Factory but also enjoyed the movie, I want you to completely understand what I'm saying: This movie is fantastic.

It has much of the same stuff as the original (even though this is not technically a remake, I will henceforth refer to the 1970s version as "the original"), only in technicolor comparatively. The colors are phenomenal and the special effects are amazing. The characters are basically the same, only updated a little for modern times (for instance, Mike TV plays violent video games rather than watching violent TV shows), but Johnny Depp is far more excellent than the original Willie Wonka (and I know this qualifies as sacrilege for some of you). I watched him on Leno, and he said he based his "voice" on the voices of childhood TV hosts like Mr. Rogers, etc, which was great.

And I'll be perfectly honest; the only reason I went was to spend a few hours looking at (even though he's creepy in this film) and listening to Johnny Depp. He's great to listen to, especially on Leno the other night. He's witty and funny, but he's also quiet and reserved. And unlike certain other (Tom Cruise) people we could mention (and hate), he's actually got a functioning brain in his head. Wonka might not, but Depp does. Which makes his off-the-wall character even funnier.

I was not disappointed. The dialogue is amazing. There are so many funny lines that I pretty much laughed myself to tears in the middle. Also, Charlie is played by the cute little kid who played Peter in Finding Neverland, which definitely helped the show along. If you're a purist, you may be disappointed in the Oompa-Loompas; they're very different from the originals. If, however, the original Oompa-Loompas creeped you out as much as they did me, then you're in luck. They're much better in this movie than in the original. The songs are also quite different, but I definitely laughed a lot. Also, the last twenty minutes is comletely different than the original, but I always hated the last twenty minutes of the original the most. All good changes, in my opinion.

On the whole, the movie looks rather like a psychodelic trip through Candy Land, which just makes the film more interesting.

The only thing I was dissapointed in was that they used computer f-ing generated cartoon-esque graphics to make Violet blow up into a blueberry. From there to the end of the movie, she looks like a cartoon, and I have mentioned how much I hate that before. However, I do think it bears mentioning AGAIN how much I hate computer generated graphics. If I wanted to watch a cartoon, I would go watch a cartoon. That and sometimes you can't make out what the Oompa-Loompas are singing. Otherwise, I have no complaints.

Favorite line from the movie? "Good morning, Starshine... the earth says hello." ~Willie Wonka.

PS, when the credits roll, there is no more movie. Unless they add something between now and when you see it.

On the whole, I give this film an electric can opener on a scale of cooking utensils with the flour sifter being the lowest score and the electric can opener being the highest. Go see it right now. Check it out before the Harry Potter release parties tonight. I mean it. Quit reading this.

Why are you still here when you could be watching Charlie and the Chocolate Factory at this very minute?

Posted by LoWriter at July 15, 2005 07:59 AM