Lesson of the Weekend: Never believe the salesman. There is never merely "some" assembly required.
I would like to take this opportunity to celebrate the magnetic screwdriver. I am not sure that you all appreciate how beautiful this simple tool really is. For those hard to reach places while you're trying to hold something together with your other hand, nothing beats a screwdriver that can automatically find the screw for you. The person who invented this tool deserves a Nobel Prize. Also, props to my dad for hooking me up with a kick ass tool set before I left home for good.
The real reason I am celebrating the magnetic screwdriver is that this weekend, I decided to abolish my unused membership to the Y because going there makes me feel awkward, and the TV is always tuned to sports, which is just what I want to watch while I am sweating and in pain: Other, prettier people who are sweating and in pain. Also, I can't swear at the Y. Well, I can, but people stare at you if you are standing in the back of the room on the treadmill swearing softly to yourself. Instead, I bought a Gazelle. My parents have one, and when I go home, I bust it out occasionally, and it's a lot easier on my knees than Ye Olde Exercise bike.
Now, as I began my Gazelle quest, I wandered into the sporting goods section of KMart and the guy at the back asked me if I wanted keys made, to which I replied, "No, I have a question about the Gazelle." He said, "Oh, OK, what's that?" I answered, "Will it fit in a cart or do I need to have someone help me carry it up front?" He offered to carry it for me, but on the way, it was like he had worked up his sales pitch and didn't quite know how to turn it off. He was trying to sell me the thing while I was clearly in the process of buying it by saying things like, "Yeah, I think it's pretty easy to assemble. I think it's just a couple bolts."
A couple of bolts my ass. My favorite part of the directions was when they tell you to assemble two things at the same time, each on opposite ends of the machine. Two hours and several wrenches later, I had a fully assembled Gazelle. Apparently, the first workout is assembly. Then they have all this crap about how to lose weight and what to eat and how to stretch. Stretching. Ha. (Which is an attitude I am paying for this morning.)
I tried it out while watching the Dukes of Hazzard season 2, which I enjoy, and you can make fun of, but it won't make it any less awesome in my world. So, now I can actually get my ass an exercise routine (which it desperately needs) while I watch TV (which my brain desperately needs). All in all, my world is pretty damn awesome.
Posted by LoWriter at April 11, 2005 03:59 PMBetsy and i once assembled a desk from Target. that was a laugh. 3 hours of deciphering different size screws. and why the hell are those screw-head-covers so important anyways? is the screw embarased to be seen holding together such a lousy piece of equipment??
Posted by: Dr. Gonzo at April 12, 2005 11:47 AMThe screw head covers are actually to keep your desk from looking cheap. If you'll notice, anything that didn't come in a box with alphabetized pieces has no screws showing on the outside because they are driven in from an angle underneath. (Yay shop class) The funny thing is that they think a piece of plastic vaguely the same color as the wood of the desk is going to make it look less cheap than a screw would. :)
Posted by: Lo at April 12, 2005 02:14 PM