Homesickness. Most of us have experienced it in one form or another at some point in our lives. We have either been very sick to see home or very sick of seeing home. While this may not be the dictionary definition of the word, I think we can all agree that this is true. Sometimes, the idea of not being home makes us sick to see it, and sometimes the idea of home simply makes us sick. I gravitate between these two opposites.
There is something about being able to see the entire sky all the way to the horizon in all directions that makes me feel indescribably, unaccountably free.
Lately, I've been trying to remember why I left. I know that there were compelling reasons to do so at the time, but was it neccessary to go all the way to Bethel and spend all of my money just to get a change of scenery? There's times when I want nothing more than to climb a tree or ride throught the fields on my bike or walk five miles without seeing signs of another human being.
And then I remember the smell. Very rural, which is a nice way to say that it smelled like cows at least 40% of the time.
I think that the biggest part of growing up is learning that there is no perfection. A friend of mine said to me last night that, "Perfection is a direction, not a destination." I like that. Everywhere you are, everything you do, everything you try to accomplish can be reaching towards perfection, but you are never going to get there, so don't try. Another friend of mine once told me that perfection implies that nothing more can be done to improve something, so perfection would actually be stagnation.
All that to say that I am trying to learn to be content with the fact that I live in the Twin Cities right now. I keep thinking about moving and changing things up, but then I remember that I'll get tired of the new place, too. If I went home, I'd get bored. If I moved elsewhere, I'd get lonely. I'm not saying that I'll never move, I'm just saying that right now, it's not a good idea, and I have to base my decision on something other than being homesick.
Posted by LoWriter at March 11, 2005 09:34 AMfunny, i've been contemplating perfection lately too. maybe it has something to do with that phenomenon of "quarter life crisis"..... hmm.. anyways, good food for thought, Lo.
Posted by: Dr. Gonzo at March 11, 2005 12:09 PMoh you are all so young, I went through my quarter life crisis AGES ago... ok, last year. And I have to say moving vastly improved how I felt, but then I've moved a lot my whole life and am always open for the adventure of moving.
The welsh have a word for homesickness, though it doesn't translate well into english - it means longing for home and every Welshman can describe what that means for them. One of my teachers told me whenever he was away from Wales he so long to hear the wind through the hills. Hiraeth. For some reason I've always identified with that word... and it always makes me miss Wales terribly.
Posted by: 10lees at March 11, 2005 06:49 PMThat's cool about Wales. Sorry you miss it. I really miss the wind up in NW MN, too. I miss feeling like I am in an upside down ocean of sky with waves of wind sloshing over me. Not to get sentimental or anything, but I used to love (when I had long hair, which I don't anymore) to pull out my hair binder and let my hair stream out behind me while I rode bike/walked/drove tractor/etc.
Posted by: Lo at March 14, 2005 08:18 AMi miss the Chicago wind. there's something so exiting, pure and vivacious about standing on a bridge in the loop and looking around you at the city while a huuuge gust of icy wind whips around you...
its beautiful how wind (homesicknes) means different things to everyone.
Posted by: Dr. Gonzo at March 14, 2005 10:49 AM