Thoughts of LoWriter

Vote for Me this November

I have decided that I'm going to run for president. I'm going to run as an independent, and my entire platform is going to be based on one promise: I will make beer the national beverage.

I think that this will A) Win votes away from our current president, B) Win me the election, and C) Appeal to most of the people in the country because it is a promise that is both tangible and keepable. You can see with your own eyes whether or not the national beverage becomes beer. You don't need weapons inspectors and a commission to tell you whether or not the beer slogan campaign was successful. And it would be virtually a shoo in because no one would want to vote against it due to my clever marketing ploys. These would go something like this, "What's the matter? Lots of hard-working people in America enjoy a beer each night. Are you against beer drinkers or just hard workers? Do you think you're too good for beer? Would Jesus want you to judge beer and its drinkers?" It's too small an issue to destroy your entire political carreer over, but enough people A) Like beer, B) Are tired of listening to people make promises that they can't/don't intend to keep, and C) Don't like being lied to.

So write me in, folks. You know you want beer to be sanctioned as a worthwhile activity by the federal government. This November, why not stand, stagger, and sway for better beer drinking climate? Vote Laurel; she'll make drinking moral.