I have decided that I'm going to run for president. I'm going to run as an independent, and my entire platform is going to be based on one promise: I will make beer the national beverage.
I think that this will A) Win votes away from our current president, B) Win me the election, and C) Appeal to most of the people in the country because it is a promise that is both tangible and keepable. You can see with your own eyes whether or not the national beverage becomes beer. You don't need weapons inspectors and a commission to tell you whether or not the beer slogan campaign was successful. And it would be virtually a shoo in because no one would want to vote against it due to my clever marketing ploys. These would go something like this, "What's the matter? Lots of hard-working people in America enjoy a beer each night. Are you against beer drinkers or just hard workers? Do you think you're too good for beer? Would Jesus want you to judge beer and its drinkers?" It's too small an issue to destroy your entire political carreer over, but enough people A) Like beer, B) Are tired of listening to people make promises that they can't/don't intend to keep, and C) Don't like being lied to.
So write me in, folks. You know you want beer to be sanctioned as a worthwhile activity by the federal government. This November, why not stand, stagger, and sway for better beer drinking climate? Vote Laurel; she'll make drinking moral.
The current tempreture in the greater metro area this evening is F-ing Cold. The wind chill is Ho-ly Shit, and the barometric pressure dropped to Son of a B--ch late this afternoon. The forcast for the rest of the week predicts much of the same with Damn It flurries possible over the weekend.
If you haven't had your quarter life crisis yet, get ready. It's coming. When you least expect it, when you think everything is grand, when you are sure that you are truly God's child, you are on your way to losing sight of who you are and what you want and falling prey to that evil enemy, the granddaddy of all disillusionment: The Quarter Life Crisis.
Mine started with my visit to the hospital for unexpected surgery this summer. One minute I was working, feeling a little strange, but nothing too out of the ordinary, and the next I was laying in the emergency room wondering if I was going to make it through the CAT scan in one piece. Suddenly, there I was, unable to take care of myself and unwilling to ask for help. I'm not used to that. I pride myself on my independence. It's something of a gold star with me. Sort of like, "Well, whatever else I might be, I don't need anybody else to take care of me. I can take excellent care of myself." This has become especially true since leaving college. I was only as good as my own abilities, so if I couldn't be an entirely independent person, what was I?
I was someone who was completely happy at work. Well, at least at their day job. I was happy with the students I was serving, and I felt like I was really fullfilling a purpose, and I knew that I was making a difference. So what if I couldn't always take care of myself. At least I could usually take care of them. And then school started, and IT dumped a whole new computing system in my lap. And since I'm the only one who can figure out how to run the new system, I'm the only one who can fix anything that goes wrong with it. So, while my students were facing their new classes, I was battling portal accounts. Now they think I'm only there to fix the computers, something I absolutely hate doing. I have few meaningful relationships built with them this term, and most of them glare at me when I walk to close to whatever it is that they're working on. Maybe I wasn't the great teacher that I thought I was.
But at least I knew where I stood with God.
I think that it goes without saying that anytime you think you know where you stand with God, you are in for all kinds of trials and tribulations, most of which involve you discovering that you don't know the first thing about God or what you mean to Him.
Well, if not with God, at least with my co-workers, right? Maybe I should have stopped trying at this point to figure out who I was and left well enough alone.
As the sh-t hits the fan, I realize that I don't know what it was I was hoping to accomplish by the time I turned 25. (I'm not 25, yet, but I'm heading that direction.) By most accounts, I'm doing all right. Considering where I started, I'm doing hella good. I've got two good jobs and a little proofreading on the side. I will probably be able to pay off my car this year. I have a ton of friends who think I'm funny and don't care that I drink and swear because I'm loyal and honest with them, and that's more important to them than my shortcomings. I have a car and my own apartment and I'm well liked. I found a church that I can go to on a regular basis. Maybe it's just that everything is too settled.
I told a friend that I just keep hoping I will wake up and realize that this is not my life. The friend asked me what life I'd rather have. I have to admit I don't know. Maybe all I'm really looking for is a place where I can be myself when I eventually figure out who that is.
Anyone have any bright ideas for how to keep the scum of the world from posting ads on my blog? Other than completely closing comments for all entries and IP banning, I mean. I seem to have gotten on some list somewhere because if I block one, I get two more.
I have discovered a new fuel source that is a) renewable, b) biodegradable, and c) readily available. This fuel source has been used by both the political and educational systems in America for several years. While it is not the most efficient fuel source, and is actually extremely inefficient, it is the most plentiful resource known to man. It has driven administrations, candidates, employees, and students alike and has aided them in achieving their goals. Entire countries have used it to back their political agendas, but we would not need to depend on foreign sources for this fuel, as it is already most plentiful in the United States. I believe this fuel source can be used with great effectiveness for the population at large. All the auto and fuel industries have to do is create a vehicle that can run on excuses.
This fuel would be especially useful if the economy embraced and utilized the new fuel as well. In this way, no one would have to ever work again, so fuel would become obsolete. We could export our excuses to other countries for their use. Excuses would become the wave of the future, with the U.S. once again on the forefront of a brave new age. Never again would space travel be necessary. We could simply create a reason why we never made it to Mars, or China, or work, or the bathroom, and this would be sufficient evidence to the fact that we were “doing stuff” that was “extremely important to national and global security.”
Excuses: Fueling the United States Today and the World Tomorrow. Maybe. If We Remember and/or Feel Like It.
I'm going to write more later, (I promise; I promise!) but here is a link any Chirstians out there in the audience should check out and consider.
I signed it. I think it's time to say that Christianity doesn't belong to a party. It belongs to Jesus. (Cheesy as that sounds, it does.)