To the person who ate my string cheese:
(Unless you turn out to be a friend who accidentally grabbed the wrong string cheese, in which case, ignore the following. Friends are forgiven automatically because they've had to put up with my crabbiness and will probably continue having to for weeks to come.) Otherwise...
You are worse than the person who stole my grapes last year, mostly because I am sad, and string cheese is the highlight of my day. I bought it for the express purpose of forcing myself to eat my lunch even though I'm sad. Grapes are something I eat because the surgeon general tells me to. String cheese is something I eat for the sheer enjoyment of string cheese with the added bonus that it's good for my bones (because I'm a chick). String cheese is the only thing standing between me and a steady diet of nothing but Whoppers.
If, in fact, you did not mean to steal my string cheese, then I suppose I can forgive you. If, on the other hand, you meant to steal my string cheese, you are now my rival (not my arch-nemesis; I already have one of those. Don't flatter yourself--it takes a special kind of evil in order to attain arch-nemesis). If you are not sure that you ate my string cheese, it had a dumb picture of "Cheesoids" on it because it is Crystal Farms, the best kind. And there were two of them--one for lunch and one for a snack at my night job.
Additionally, whoever brought in rice crispie bars is definitely going to heaven while you, String Cheese Stealer, unfortunately, are definitely going to hell.
To conclude, if I were feeling nicer, I would probably not have written this, but I'm a vicious SOB these days, and you are the lowest of the low because you steal string cheese from sad people who are using it to bribe themselves to get their % daily value of grapes, String Cheese Snatcher.
Booooo!
Posted by LoWriter at April 11, 2006 03:07 PMWhat a horrible horrible world we live in! If an innocent (and delicious) string cheese snack cannot be left unattended without fear of a malicious cheese-napping, then the evil world has gone too far!!
I say pump your next cheese tube full of a laxative & then stake out the bathrooms. This trap is sure to corner any bottom-dwelling theif.
(There's nothing better than a good stakeout...)
If someone "mistakenly" took your string cheese I say they still own you replacement string cheese. Plus how do you "mistakenly" take something that obviously isn't yours. I mean, did you bring it to work this morning? Seriously.
I concur with Mel suggestions, but I would maybe webcam the refrigerator and watch who takes your cheese. Seriously, the evilness has gone too far now to be taken lightly!
PS - Did they steal both because that is just INCREDIBLY wrong. I say you treat yourself to Caribou Carmel Cooler - you deserve it, and whoever took the cheese deserves be doused in it!
Posted by: 10lees at April 11, 2006 04:07 PMI've got it, I've uncovered their nefarious plot, it goes like this:
1. Collect (i.e., Steal) String Cheese,
2. ????
3. PROFIT!
If it was the smoked flavor from crystal farms I can maybe understand why they couldn't help themselves because it is the greatest food ever created in the history of the world. Way better than chocolate. They could've at least left you a $1 for it.
Posted by: jeff at April 11, 2006 05:07 PMWhat if the person who brought the rice crispie bars was the one who stole the string cheese?
My partially-consumed bottle of dew which was sitting on the little shelf inside the men's room door was stolen while I was in there today. I had plenty more in my office luckily, but I was rather confused as to why the heck he'd do that. I think someone must have spiked the water somewhere in the general area with some sort of steal-random-things-from-people stuff. :(
Posted by: Jeremy at April 11, 2006 07:03 PMYou raise an interesting point, Jeremy. I guess I never thought about that; however, I'm pretty sure the negative karma points for stealing string cheese far outway the positive karma points for bringing rice crispie bars. And I'm sorry they stole your Mountain Dew. They are clearly fascists.
Jeff-- I have never tried smoked string cheese. I will have to check it out. And $1 would have been at least something.
Jeremy K-- LOL. That was hilarious. I wonder what steps are involved in profiting from string cheese theft, but it is clearly and evil plot.
10lees-- They did steal both because they were still hooked together. And it could be that they thought my string cheese was theirs because they didn't look closely enough because there are two other string cheeses in there that are not labeled (i.e. not mine because they don't say "cheesoids," BUT I don't know how long those have been in there and the fridge smells like ass. I am not that daring.
Mel--LOL It's true. There's nothing like a good stake out.
Today, I have labeled my string cheese with green sharpie. Anybody who steals it is going to be in BIG TROUBLE!
Posted by: Lo at April 12, 2006 08:08 AMits all about the sharpie. betsy got herself one of those keychain kinds just for this purpose.
oh, and jeremy, about teh dew - in the ladies room at my job, which is well-cleaned, if i see a half used bottle of something that looks abandoned, i'll be curtious and throw it in the trash b/c our janitoral staff works damn hard. you should check the trash next time. you know, dust it off... drink on!
now here's a question - is anyone out there guilty of accidentally taking someone else's food?
Posted by: dr gonzo at April 12, 2006 10:11 AMI once took the wrong yogurt and didn't realise it until I opened the yogurt. It was the same brand, but a different flavor, and it was sitting with my carrots and applesauce. I didn't eat it, and I put a note on it indicating that I had accidentally opened the wrong yogurt and would replace it if the individual so desired but that I hadn't eaten any of it and it was fine as long as they weren't freaked out by it.
Once I took an orange soda because there was a note on the soda in the fridge saying it was left over from this one guy's class and free for the taking, but when I mentioned it to him, it was only the one kind of soda that was from his class. I went out and bought a 12 pack and replaced the orange soda I had taken and the one I knew another teacher had taken because I'd said I thought it was all from the one guy for us to drink. That's it though. So, basically, I'm very conscientious about food and stealing in general. I don't ever want to be accused of stealing things, particularly food.
Posted by: Lo at April 12, 2006 12:10 PM