November 15, 2005

Pass the Salt

So, after a very entertaining weekend involving a migraine (complete with halos) (and not the kind that angels wear), hours of couch time, and some very stiff, sore, swollen joints, I made the trek to the doctor's office yesterday where I made some interesting discoveries.

1) Even though I am 20 pound lighter, my blood pressure is 8 points higher than it was the last time I was in. I think this means I need more salt, don't you?

2) I am still a sissy when it comes to needles.

3 I probably do not have carpal tunnel.

So basically, the only day I really felt good was Saturday, which I had to spend at the mall because it's cold outside and none of my clothes were warm enough. I did get in my two hours of quality library alone without the phone time. Other than that, I watched a lot of TV because I couldn't write anything, draw anything, or cut anything out, and my 670 page book was too heavy to hold above my head without making me cry. (OK so not literally cry, but I do like to bitch, and you are sort of a captive audience.)

Which brings me to my real point: Daytime TV. I think it exists purely so that those of us who are home during the day moping on our couches don't have to feel too crumby about our lives.

For instance, I may be a sissy, but at least I haven't stolen my sister's husband and am not now fighting (shirtless, I might add) with her on Jerry Springer. I may not have much, but at least I'm not being sued in small claims court by someone with a marijauna addiction for the sofa that they left on my porch for six months. I may feel like I'm 800 years old right now with all my aching joints and blood pressure woes, but at least I'm not being divorced by some guy who thinks he's a rapper and won't invite me to his CD release parties. I may not have been at work yesterday, but at least I haven't moved myself into a house with a bunch of weird, co-dependent psychos in order to get my life back on track. I may have to deal with politics in the workplace, but at least no one wearing fabulous clothes in a dimly lighted room is plotting my untimely demise with a witch in the background narrating the event.

Yep, on the whole, my life is at least 50 points above any of those on daytime TV even on my worst days. Sort of makes me sad to come back to work, really, when I can be so awesome without even trying. ;)

Posted by LoWriter at November 15, 2005 10:47 AM
Comments

my fav part about daytime tv is the commercials. they tend to cycle the various local tech colleges, therapy schools and useless infomercials. for a while these horrid commercials are entertaining in the "how the hell can an actor be so bad" way. after a while, i want to scream at them "congrats on your new life, but get the hell out of mine!!!" and then it escalates to me shoving a well-used dvd in the player, even if i'm only able to watch tv for another 10 minutes. i'd rather re-watch the beginning of Empire Records for the bazillionth time ("it's rex manning day!") than sit through another reason why i should apply to Brown Institute for the video gaming program.

Posted by: dr gonzo at November 15, 2005 11:19 AM

But I am sure their Video Game program is so informative and can help you get a career in video gaming!! (For all those men out there who all want to work in video games) (did you know that breaking into the gaming world is like trying to be an actor that breaks into acting - it's that competative!) Sorry - I work for a school similar to Brown and know all these useless things that nobody should ever have to clutter up their brain with.

Do you want me to have a witch plan your untimely demise? I am going to be driving through Ashland Oregon in a few weeks and I am sure there are plenty of witches for hire :-)

Doesn't it mean you need less salt if your cholestoral is high? Or am I just missing out on a joke...

Posted by: 10lees at November 15, 2005 12:01 PM

It's the blood pressure that's high, and yes, it does mean that you need less salt, and yes, it's a joke. :) I'm not actually on any kind of diet restrictions because it's not actually "high" it's "borderline hight." Which to mean seems like the distinction between smoking and inhaling but whatever. I'll take my salt while I still can.

I agree with Dr. G about the daytime commercials. I can recite the one from Le Cordon Bleu. My personal favorite from this weekend is, though, the one for the mattress where they put a glass of water on it and then the woman jumps up and down and the water doesn't spill. Then they go on to say that it's the only mattress with technology approved by NASA and certified by the Space Institute. Why the hell would I need a bed that's certified by NASA. That's like saying it's approved by the ADA. Or the Senate.

Posted by: Lo at November 15, 2005 02:05 PM

I bet it is approved by that elusive 5th dentist too that never seems to agree with the other 4 dentists on tooth care products. The reason he probably doesn't agree with the others is because he always comes in late (missing out on the product votes) because his nasa bed is so awesome.

Posted by: jeff at November 15, 2005 02:58 PM

LOL. Well, at least now we know why the guy is always so disapproving. It's because everything pales in comparision to his nasa bed.

Posted by: Lo at November 15, 2005 05:44 PM

Please forgive my earlier dimmwittedness, is that even a word?

jeff, I think those are some high quality trident ads which try and make suppositions about why the 5th dentist didn't approve... they make me smile.

Posted by: 10lees at November 15, 2005 07:18 PM

You, my dear friend, are never dimwitted. :)

Posted by: Lo at November 15, 2005 08:16 PM

trident gum has been clinicaly proven to reduce cavities. i know a few moms who only let their kids chew trident. yay them. i like dentyne.

Posted by: dr gonzo at November 16, 2005 11:14 AM

Orbit. The light blue kind.

Posted by: Lo at November 16, 2005 12:57 PM

Orbit, yummy... such good stuff.

My mom didn't chew anything but dentyne when I was little.

how kind to say I am not dimwitted!

Posted by: 10lees at November 16, 2005 02:05 PM