May 27, 2005

Change

I don't like change. I never have. Yet lately, I keep thinking that I should do something drastic and major like change jobs or move away or go back up north and be a wind farmer. (Yes, a wind farmer. It's a wicked cool way to make energy and money at the same time. I just need startup $. So if you win a few mill, hook me up).

I'm probably not going to do any of these things. I am probably going to stay in my current situation dreaming about grad school and working all the time instead because I am a chicken.

That's right: A chicken.

I've always said that I don't hold with making big changes just because you're unhappy. I've always said that your problems will still be waiting for you wherever you end up. And I still believe that to some extent.

On the other hand, I'm not sure that you can decide never to change anything just because you're scared that the grass is not greener anywhere else. It has to be greener somewhere else, especially if you're not happy. You shouldn't refuse to change things just because you're a chicken in the same way that you shouldn't change things just because you feel unhappy for a little while.

Lately, I've just noticed that if this year were last year, I would've moved with my friends who were talking about moving to Boise. I'm not trying to be a bitch to those of you that I'm friends with here who have no intention of moving to Boise. You're all great.

But lately I feel like when people ask me what I've been up to lately, all I can talk about is how much I hate my job. I have a life; I do other things. I don't know why it keeps coming back to that. It's not like I live for my work. The Serenity movie, maybe, but not my work.

So, my question to you all is this: Is change a good idea? Especially when you're not sure that you're actually unhappy about the thing that you're thinking about changing? What if you're just unhappy in general? What if you change the wrong thing? How do you get past those worries and just do something, anything? Is that even a good idea?

Posted by LoWriter at May 27, 2005 07:48 AM
Comments

Ahhh... one of my favorite topics. For some reason, it always leads me to quote land...

Kierkegaard: "Do this or do that. You will regret both."

My father (probably someone else first, but he's my "source"): "Wherever you go, there you are."

I tend to be a bit of a determinist. It's not so much that I don't believe in free will, but more that there's no way to test whether or not it actually exists. We can't go back and undo any decision to test if some other course of action was "better," so as far as we're concerned, more or less, there is no other course but the course we choose. It's a pretty liberating stance.

I can, however, say with relative certainty, that very few people lie on their deathbed and say of their life, "I wish I'd done less, experienced less, and taken fewer chances." So, go to grad school, moon the tourist trolley, and dammit, quit the job you hate. Run for the hills, or Boise, or wherever. Why not? If you're really concerned about being practical, plan ahead for the change, but don't avoid it.

It's not as if you can really be accused of chasing change. Change follows everyone everywhere. I suppose it comes down to, "change or be changed." No one's life goes untouched by it.

Often, when I'm trying to make a big decision, I have to ask myself, "What is the very worst thing that could happen if I decide to do this thing I want to do?" If that worst case scenario is an acceptable risk, I do it. Just like that. Most of the time, I find that not only is the worst-case scenario highly unlikely, it isn't actually all that catastrophic anyway... that is, in the greater scheme of things.

Here ends today's lecture on my life philosophy....

Posted by: Mardou at May 27, 2005 10:22 AM

I say move to Seattle. It's fun out here!
Not saying the grass is any greener per se, but there's something invigorating about moving to a completely new place. There's a sort of vertigo as you try to fit into the life of this new place and in the process you discover something new inside yourself. Sorry, I'm starting to sound like Rilke. :-)

Posted by: lord palmerston at May 27, 2005 02:24 PM

Someone said Seattle, so I'm going to quote some Ben Gibbard.

i don't mind the weather
i've got scarves and caps and sweaters
i've got long johns under slacks for blustery days.

i think that it's brainless to assume that making changes to your window's view will give a new perspective.

and the hardest part is yet to come

i don't mind restrictions or if you're blacking out the friction
it's just an escape (it's overrated anyways)

the hardest part is yet to come
when you will cross the country alone.

"Blacking out the Friction" from The Photo Album by Death Cab for Cutie

Sure, it's about a relationship, but you could pretend it's about a job.

Posted by: schdav at May 27, 2005 04:48 PM

hmmm, schdav, spoken like someone who has never moved from anywhere. Good job. Actually changing your windows view gives you a different perspective because it changes who you are, which changes your perspective... as Mardou said - change or be changed, either way it will happen.

Speaking of Mardou, I think she is very smart and knows whatof she speaks. All great advice.

LP: But the grass IS actually greener in Seattle :-) hehe, it is, and all year long.

Here is my response to this and I am speaking as someone who once made it my goal never to regret not doing something. I have found most people don't regret a course of action so much as the regret the action not taken (for example I don't regret giving my jackass ex boyfriend a chance so much as a regret not beating him senseless). I could've sat in MN for a long time, there were certainly reasons for me not to move (you were most prominant, followed by other friends, my job, my coworkers, etc and everything I had worked to attain there). But the fact was that I wasn't happy and I couldn't be sure that I would be happy here - but I always knew the door could've been open to move back and it still is. And yes, I regret that you live there and I live here, and that I don't see my friends as much, that I haven't made a greater effort to make friends here, but the fact is that I have found a great job, I have dated a few great people (and of course some a-holes), I can spend time with my family and I don't have to spend the money to take yearly plane trips.

That is just one person's opinion though, and I have taken a lot of chances in my life, most of them have turned out (moving to OR, CA, MN, and WA), some of them haven't (my love life has problems)... but the fact is that I don't regret them (except in passing) because it's all part of life and I couldn't have known the lesson before I learned it.

I love you and you should not be afraid to take some baby steps! Fix up your resume, research some great companies, go on a few interviews, remember who you are and how you got there - you won't lose yourself if you make changes and you may be better for it. Sure, nothing is a cure all - but changing 2 things may make you a whole lot happier.

Posted by: 10lees at May 28, 2005 08:05 PM

change.... yeah... it happens whether you want it to or not... i guess my philosophy has always been that i'd rather be semi in control of of my changes than have something else determine my future for me (ie stagnancy or fear or accidental happenings). i have a lot to say about change too, as i'm sure most people do. hell changes happen to all of us on a daily basis. just know that you have a great support network, and for good or bad, your friends and family will be there for you. eh, it keeps me going. :o) love ya hon..

Posted by: dr gonzo at May 28, 2005 11:27 PM

Awww... 10lees... you flatter me! I do, however, speak from experience. I was on the run for 5 years... Florida, Kentucky, Chicago... It set me back in school, it resulted in a broken engagement -- but I wouldn't take back a single minute of it. I learned to say "soda" rather than "pop" anyplace other than Minnesota, and in my mind, this would be justification enough for my nomadic existence, but on top of it, I also learned other things -- a great many of which I couldn't describe here even if I wanted to.

One last quote:

"There is no normal life, Wyatt. There's just life."
-Doc Holliday, "Tombstone"

And a shameless plug:

I've finally broken down and started my own blog. I'd love for you fine folks to check it out... It's a work in progress...

peelingonion.blogspot.com

Posted by: Mardou at May 29, 2005 03:26 PM

I'm with 10lees all the way. I've made some horkers of mistakes in my time but without a doubt the worst have been where I didn't do anything.

I'm a big fan of making dramatic change (but then, I'm a big fan of drama). In Julius Ceasar, Casius says "In great attempts it is glorious even to fail." Sure it might not be the wisest course of action to base your life around the philosophy of a character who is about to commit regicide, but I like the sentiment.

No matter what the afterlife is about I can't imagine anyone brqagging about having seen every episode of desperate houswifes, or saving 10 cents on a can of tuna. Sure those things are worthwhile in their own respects, but ZI'd hardly want to read a novel about it.

To put it in terms of poker (which I seem to be doing about everything these days) you can't win the big pots without taking the big risks. Why not take the chance. You may fall flat on your face, but then you have a good story to tell. Don't live a life of quiet desperation!

Posted by: rhett at June 2, 2005 03:07 PM